Willing Hearts
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Willing Hearts Chapter 9"Solve a crime and fall in love at the same time?
34 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was really good and was nearly flawless, as always, but there is one little problem: sentence 1 in paragraph 3. You have the entire cast working together and trying to make everyone happy. Noah doesn't want to be happy because he learned as a boy that sadness always follows it. Sami might be a little too determined to believe Noah hates her, so I wonder what in her childhood created that attitude.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
  |
This was really good and was nearly flawless, as always, but there is one little problem: sentence 1 in paragraph 3. You have the entire cast working together and trying to make everyone happy. Noah doesn't want to be happy because he learned as a boy that sadness always follows it. Sami might be a little too determined to believe Noah hates her, so I wonder what in her childhood created that attitude.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
-
Sami has been through a lot right now. She blames herself for Myra being kidnapped and is now being under protection and away from her family, she's very close too. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Jesus, as usual I'm jumping straight in the middle of the story:) so I see they are trying hard not to fall for each other:) poor Jaser must be confused.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
 |
Jesus, as usual I'm jumping straight in the middle of the story:) so I see they are trying hard not to fall for each other:) poor Jaser must be confused.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the kind review. LOL
Comment from Jacob1395
It definitely feels like things are beginning to heat up in the hunt for the missing girls. I really like how they are including Sami in their discussions. I can't wait to find out what happens next. An excellent chapter Barbara.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
|
It definitely feels like things are beginning to heat up in the hunt for the missing girls. I really like how they are including Sami in their discussions. I can't wait to find out what happens next. An excellent chapter Barbara.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from estory
This chapter seems to be about the stand off between Sami and Noah; she stubbornly holding herself back and determined to take care of herself, he admitting to himself that he is falling in love with her, but hanging back from the edge of the cliff, checking himself by throwing himself into his job. The dialogue, as always, illustrates that delicate dance between them; we can feel the fragility of the plates being passed around, as it were. You threw in a bit of tension when they find the convenience store robbers, but it got defused just as fast as it popped up. Chen is still hanging over everything like a cloud. estory
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
This chapter seems to be about the stand off between Sami and Noah; she stubbornly holding herself back and determined to take care of herself, he admitting to himself that he is falling in love with her, but hanging back from the edge of the cliff, checking himself by throwing himself into his job. The dialogue, as always, illustrates that delicate dance between them; we can feel the fragility of the plates being passed around, as it were. You threw in a bit of tension when they find the convenience store robbers, but it got defused just as fast as it popped up. Chen is still hanging over everything like a cloud. estory
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh dear, I thought I'd already read this, and double checked to see why I had this six left.
I think Sami and Noah are beginning to see their relationship in a different light. They do have feelings for each other, but both are frightened to show them. Now they have to hope that their location hasn't been revealed with those interlopers camping in the area. Their plan seems to be a good one, let's hope it works. Great chapter, Barbara. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
Oh dear, I thought I'd already read this, and double checked to see why I had this six left.
I think Sami and Noah are beginning to see their relationship in a different light. They do have feelings for each other, but both are frightened to show them. Now they have to hope that their location hasn't been revealed with those interlopers camping in the area. Their plan seems to be a good one, let's hope it works. Great chapter, Barbara. Well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the kind review and the virtual six. I appreciate both.
-
Hi Barbara, I don't understand what has gone on. I gave you a six. When I read your reply I checked it out, and it comes up as a five. That is not right! If you go through my comments, you will see only five have been used, the one I gave you has gone. I'm going to send a message to Tom and get him to check it out. I'm really angry about this. I'm sorry, but I'm hoping he will change it to the six it originly was. xxx
-
Not a problem. Things happen with computers.
-
I wouldn't mind if I HAD accidently used all my sixes, but I hadn't. Tom said I might have made a mistake, but it's easily checked by seeing in my comments that I DID NOT use six 6s. I'm really angry about this. Unless Tom checks it our, there is not a lot I can do about it. I'm sorry, Barbara.
-
No problem.
Comment from Daylily
This is very good, Barbara, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the relationship grow.
This line needs some editing:
Outside they walked, and Sami asked, "Any news......
(It is the same as saying: My friend she.......)
Might just say: They walked outside and Sami asked, "Any news.....
Also, the two commas here are not necessary:
You're right." Noah went inside, to his room, and slammed the door.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
This is very good, Barbara, and I thoroughly enjoyed seeing the relationship grow.
This line needs some editing:
Outside they walked, and Sami asked, "Any news......
(It is the same as saying: My friend she.......)
Might just say: They walked outside and Sami asked, "Any news.....
Also, the two commas here are not necessary:
You're right." Noah went inside, to his room, and slammed the door.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
I corrected that first sentence because someone told me it needed work and I still got it wrong. LOL Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
Comment from Barry Penfold
Well put together and it flows well. Like the dialogue and the tension between Noah and Sami is built up nicely. All in all, the story is inviting and interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
Well put together and it flows well. Like the dialogue and the tension between Noah and Sami is built up nicely. All in all, the story is inviting and interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for dropping by and leaving this kind review.
Comment from nor84
Hi, Barbara. I would recommend looking through this piece and seeing how many Ands you can get rid of. Here are a couple of revised examples:
Sami left her room early Saturday morning and saw Noah staring out the front window(.) "You look deep in thought," she said. "Anything I can help with?"
He grinned. "I wish you could." He glanced at Jasper. "Ready?"
They walked outside. Sami asked, "Any news about the church dance? Did our plan work?"
I got rid of several An right at the opening. You might want to do a search to find out how many are in the complete story and revise accordingly. They create run-on sentences, which I'm sure you don't want.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
Hi, Barbara. I would recommend looking through this piece and seeing how many Ands you can get rid of. Here are a couple of revised examples:
Sami left her room early Saturday morning and saw Noah staring out the front window(.) "You look deep in thought," she said. "Anything I can help with?"
He grinned. "I wish you could." He glanced at Jasper. "Ready?"
They walked outside. Sami asked, "Any news about the church dance? Did our plan work?"
I got rid of several An right at the opening. You might want to do a search to find out how many are in the complete story and revise accordingly. They create run-on sentences, which I'm sure you don't want.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
The weren't originally there. A reviewer suggested them, so I added them. They are gone, but I will double check everything. Thank you for the help. I will go by what you said instead of her.
-
I just learned that Aussies put commas in their writing when we wouldn't in American English. You gotta be careful about listening to reviewers.
Comment from T B Botts
Hi Barbara,
I'm falling behind on my reviewing. Anyway, I was having a hard time understanding why Sami and Noah were mad, and I'm not sure I still understand fully. It seems like such a complicated relationship, and certainly not a professional one on Noah's part. I guess a person can't help who they fall in love with, but loving the person you're supposed to be protecting could present some problems.
Have a blessed evening gal.
Tom
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
|
Hi Barbara,
I'm falling behind on my reviewing. Anyway, I was having a hard time understanding why Sami and Noah were mad, and I'm not sure I still understand fully. It seems like such a complicated relationship, and certainly not a professional one on Noah's part. I guess a person can't help who they fall in love with, but loving the person you're supposed to be protecting could present some problems.
Have a blessed evening gal.
Tom
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2024
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from lyenochka
Finally, Sami understands! It took Sarah's little talk with Sami to open her eyes to Noah's feelings. I was getting frustrated with Sami getting angry with Noah all the time. It seems she was very harsh and quick to judge him even though she's very good with her students. So I'm glad she finally woke up and opened up with a show of affection. A good turning point in their relationship. It's also good that Noah has friends in Homeland Security!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
|
Finally, Sami understands! It took Sarah's little talk with Sami to open her eyes to Noah's feelings. I was getting frustrated with Sami getting angry with Noah all the time. It seems she was very harsh and quick to judge him even though she's very good with her students. So I'm glad she finally woke up and opened up with a show of affection. A good turning point in their relationship. It's also good that Noah has friends in Homeland Security!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2024
-
Sami and Noah will have a few more disagreements. LOL Thank you for the kind review.
