| Humor Fiction posted May 11, 2024 |
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What really happened from DaVinci's journal
La Malafemmena
by gansach
Caro Diario,
Mama Mia! What an experience! It is days like these I regret I ever wanted to be an artist.There are so many other areas of study in which I am interresato, so much I could be doing. And what am I doing?
Painting a portrait of a malafemmena!
I did not want to do this painting. I am busy with my dissections at Ospedale Santa Maria Nuovo so I can better understand the human anatomy. Eh! And I just received a commissione for a mural of the Battle of Anghiari at the Palazzo Vecchio. It is twice as large as my Last Supper mural~gigantesco!
And Cesare Borgia wants me to survey and map territories so he can gain control of the Papal States. But instead, I am wasting my time with a young woman who is so unpleasant!
E' viziata! E'scortese! E'sigente!
But I owed her husband a favor and he wanted a portrait. Why? Non lo so! I would not want to look at her face hanging on my wall.
Signore Francesco di Bartolomeo del Giocondo thinks he is such a big man in Florence! Ha! Rich merchant and his spoiled young wife!
First, Mona Lisa Gherardini can only sit for one hour a day before pranzo~she sleeps late, she dresses, she directs her household. Then she must have her riposo. And after, she must prepare for the evening entertainments. She can only spare a short time to sit doing niente.
And then she brings her cagnolino who yaps incessantly and does cacca on my studio floor. Disgustoso!
It takes forever to do sketches in this way and even longer to do the painting. I am trying to do something diverso. Instead of the common profile portrait, I want her to face forward, slightly turned, to see her face and hands. But all she does is complain!
I cannot paint her bocca, her lips are always flapping.
"I'm thirsty! How long must I sit like this? It's too warm in here!"
All the time is whine, whine, whine!
Then I need to drink some vino to keep from strangling her!
And l'ultima goccia!
I ask nicely, politely, for a small smile so she can look bella, and all she can do is make the grumpy face.
No sorride!
Abbastanza! So I paint her the grumpy face.
Signore del Giocondo, he is not happy! He refuses to pay for the portrait! He does not want it!
Mama mia! Tomorrow I will paint over her grumpy face. I will make the nice little smile. I will take it with me to France when I go to the court of King Francis. Perhaps some scemo there will want it so I have not wasted my time.
Buona notte, Diario!
Picture This! writing prompt entry
Caro Diario,
Mama Mia! What an experience! It is days like these I regret I ever wanted to be an artist.There are so many other areas of study in which I am interresato, so much I could be doing. And what am I doing?
Painting a portrait of a malafemmena!
I did not want to do this painting. I am busy with my dissections at Ospedale Santa Maria Nuovo so I can better understand the human anatomy. Eh! And I just received a commissione for a mural of the Battle of Anghiari at the Palazzo Vecchio. It is twice as large as my Last Supper mural~gigantesco!
And Cesare Borgia wants me to survey and map territories so he can gain control of the Papal States. But instead, I am wasting my time with a young woman who is so unpleasant!
E' viziata! E'scortese! E'sigente!
But I owed her husband a favor and he wanted a portrait. Why? Non lo so! I would not want to look at her face hanging on my wall.
Signore Francesco di Bartolomeo del Giocondo thinks he is such a big man in Florence! Ha! Rich merchant and his spoiled young wife!
First, Mona Lisa Gherardini can only sit for one hour a day before pranzo~she sleeps late, she dresses, she directs her household. Then she must have her riposo. And after, she must prepare for the evening entertainments. She can only spare a short time to sit doing niente.
And then she brings her cagnolino who yaps incessantly and does cacca on my studio floor. Disgustoso!
It takes forever to do sketches in this way and even longer to do the painting. I am trying to do something diverso. Instead of the common profile portrait, I want her to face forward, slightly turned, to see her face and hands. But all she does is complain!
I cannot paint her bocca, her lips are always flapping.
"I'm thirsty! How long must I sit like this? It's too warm in here!"
All the time is whine, whine, whine!
Then I need to drink some vino to keep from strangling her!
And l'ultima goccia!
I ask nicely, politely, for a small smile so she can look bella, and all she can do is make the grumpy face.
No sorride!
Abbastanza! So I paint her the grumpy face.
Signore del Giocondo, he is not happy! He refuses to pay for the portrait! He does not want it!
Mama mia! Tomorrow I will paint over her grumpy face. I will make the nice little smile. I will take it with me to France when I go to the court of King Francis. Perhaps some scemo there will want it so I have not wasted my time.
Buona notte, Diario!
|
Writing Prompt Choose a painting (or other visual art piece) for your photo and write an outrageously **untrue** story that explains the scene in the picture. Any format (prose, poem, caption, newspaper article, etc). Any length. |
Leonardo da Vinci, artist, cartographer, inventor, architect, author, sculptor, scientist, anatomist--in other words, the true Renaissance Man--painted the portrait of Mona Lisa Gherardini del Giocondo, wife of a rich merchant in Florence, sometime between 1503-1517. For some unknown reason, the painting was never claimed by her husband. When Leonardo accepted a position in the court of King Francis I of France, he brought the portrait with him. After his death, King Francis acquired the painting which today hangs in France's Louvre Museum and is one of the most famous paintings in the world.
I have re-imagined what might have taken place during the time the portrait was being painted. Credit to dalle#3 for the artwork.
Italian phrases:
Caro Diario--Dear Diary (Leonardo kept notebooks on all his work)
Mama mia---Oh mama
interrasato---interested
malafemmena--bad woman
Ospedale----hospital (where he did dissections on corpses to learn anatomy)
commissione--commission (the Battle of Anghieri mural at Palazzo Vecchio was unfinished)
Palazzo Vecchio--old palace
gigantesco---gigantic
e'viziata-------she is spoiled
e'scortese----she is rude
e'esigente----she is demanding
non lo so-----I don't know
Mona----------my lady (from old Italian monna, a shortening of Madonna)
pranza--------lunch
riposo---------midday break, usually a meal and a nap
niente---------nothing
cagnolino----little dog (dogs were kept as pets by the rich to show their wealth and status)
cacco---------poop
disgustoso--disgusting
diverso-------different
bocca---------mouth
vino------------wine
l'ultima goccia--the last straw
bella-----------pretty
no sorride----no smile
abbastanza--enough
scemo---------fool
Buona notte--goodnight
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. I have re-imagined what might have taken place during the time the portrait was being painted. Credit to dalle#3 for the artwork.
Italian phrases:
Caro Diario--Dear Diary (Leonardo kept notebooks on all his work)
Mama mia---Oh mama
interrasato---interested
malafemmena--bad woman
Ospedale----hospital (where he did dissections on corpses to learn anatomy)
commissione--commission (the Battle of Anghieri mural at Palazzo Vecchio was unfinished)
Palazzo Vecchio--old palace
gigantesco---gigantic
e'viziata-------she is spoiled
e'scortese----she is rude
e'esigente----she is demanding
non lo so-----I don't know
Mona----------my lady (from old Italian monna, a shortening of Madonna)
pranza--------lunch
riposo---------midday break, usually a meal and a nap
niente---------nothing
cagnolino----little dog (dogs were kept as pets by the rich to show their wealth and status)
cacco---------poop
disgustoso--disgusting
diverso-------different
bocca---------mouth
vino------------wine
l'ultima goccia--the last straw
bella-----------pretty
no sorride----no smile
abbastanza--enough
scemo---------fool
Buona notte--goodnight
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